I Heart "Cougars"

I’m a young 20 year old walking this never ending yellow brick road to find the cougar of my dreams and fantasy. I hear the roars of a cougar from afar but like every other mythical creature in history she eludes me only catching a glimpse of her in the corner of my weary eyes. I’ve been on this journey since I was 18 years old thinking that I could easily catch her in arms, but it was only fairy tale that I told myself to stop from giving up. I heart cougars, but I guess the feeling is not mutual.

[Via http://lovelesscub.wordpress.com]

Having a personal back-up singer will totally change your life

Like all non-monetary items you win in a late-night no-stakes poker game, I was skeptical at first. Wouldn’t you be if someone came over the top and re-raised with five-time Grammy award winner Michael McDonald? WTF, right? I mean, sure, I’ve won some strange things like wedding rings and the jock strap worn by Michael Jordan during his short-lived baseball career. But when it comes to a washed up singer songwriter who hasn’t been culturally relevant since the early 1990s, well, wouldn’t you be skeptical too?
Now you’re probably wondering why I didn’t muck the hand. I’ll tell you why. Because I wasn’t going to back down to one of Donny Packwood’s horseshit bluffs. And because I had a plan. So I called–and won.

As the proud new owner of Michael McDonald my first act of business was to use his booming baritone to remind Packwood of his recent lose. Even though I’m aware that there was no lyrical relevance to the situation, hearing McDonald sing “What A Fool Believes” all up in his face was, in the words of Mastercard, priceless.

The joy of owning McDonald quickly faded when his “celebrity” couldn’t me out of a DUI charge. (What good is a celebrity who isn’t above the law?) As if that failure wasn’t enough, upon returning home I stepped out of the bathroom to find him watching TV, in the nude – though it should be noted at first sight, I thought he was wearing a sweater. Needless to say, I didn’t sleep that night.

The next morning while belting out “My Way” in the shower, all my concerns faded away when I heard him accompanying me from the toilet. That’s when I hatched my next plan. Wherever I went, he would follow while singing backup. He had been a backup singer before, so he was cool with it. Plus, he hadn’t performed in front of an audience for a while so it was a chance to get back in the limelight. If you consider the harsh fluorescent lights of my office and the dingy glow of my local watering hole to be limelight. Regardless, I could now get away with saying all kinds of random, senseless shit because ole McD was going to follow it up with those smooth chops of his. So when I called our receptionist a ‘MILF’, she blushed instead of scowling at me like all the other times I’ve called her that. When my boss asked what I thought of a presentation he was about to give and I told him it was, ‘a giant festering turd’, he promoted me. You see where this is going.

As good as life was at work, my personal life was even better. Those classic pickup lines that used to result in a drink being thrown in my face now ended up as a threesome. I was even getting freebies at Burger King. Plus, we had worked out a deal where M-Dog (his new nickname) would play “Piano Man” a few times a night at select bars in exchange for free drinks. All in all, he was turning out to be quite the wingman/bro.

Until the karaoke incident. This S.O.B., who will happily provide backing vocals during a bowel movement, flat out refused to perform “Afternoon Delight”. Said it was beneath him. When I reminded him he would be performing in front of an audience, he mumbled something about a sound check then stormed off.

I got a call from Packwood the next day saying he found McDonald passed out naked on his couch. When I got there, he was bucket of tears and totally apologetic. Apparently that song triggers acid flashbacks from his Doobie Brothers days. After that we quickly made up and before Packwood could hand him his pants, the M-Dog was all up in his face singing “What A Fool Believes”.

[Via http://freetheunicorns.wordpress.com]

Hiya!

The weekend is finally here! I did have a short week this week, but sometimes those SEEM to take the longest! The weather has warmed up to acceptable temperatures again and I’m really hoping to get my big ass on the back of that bike for a little ride soon!

I know I have posted very much here lately, I’ve been super busy (yeah right, that’s what they ALWAYS say – lol – but it really is true!) – getting ready for the long weekend last weekend took up every minute I had to spare! Let me tell ya about the weekend though…I had a guest photographer that wanted to shoot me from New Smyrna Beach. I was headed to DeLand for the weekend anyways, so thought this would be the perfect opportunity to get it all done!

Went to the studio on Friday afternoon and spent about 8 hours with this guy! It was great time, he had a really nice studio and the pics are awesome. He also had all types of props, including a LIVE 8 or 9 foot boa constrictor! I’m not one to be all excited about snakes, that’s for sure, but he told me how great the pics would look……so I ended up laying down with a damn snake draped over my naked body! ACK! It did kind of take me a minute to get used to it, but it wasn’t as horrible as I imagined at all! AND the pics did turn out quite nicely I think! Saturday and Sunday – I met up with some other models at an old ranch house in DeLand that sat on 46 acres! It was great for outside shoots and of course, we just like hanging out and getting into mischief when we all get together! This was no different!

Monday – I spent the day moving furniture! No, I’m not moving but one of my kids moved out of the house. As a mom, it makes me kinda sad but as a woman that likes to play and have fun and ACT like a 25-year-old, it makes me happy! lol This was the first kid, I still have one more at home so not completely free…..yet!

Plans for this weekend….well I don’t have anything at all set in stone! Which is really nice actually! I’m hoping to visit my favorite bartender, ride the motorcycle, sleep in, and have lots of SEX! If all of that happens, I’m gonna be a happy girl!!

Oh, here’s the plug – almost forgot, I swear I just blather on and on! I really need to figure out these video blogs quickly – then you can hear me ramble instead of just reading it! LOL Anyway….back to the plug – I would really really really appreciate if you could keep voting for me HERE! Last I checked, I was in 2nd place and I would be thrilled to no end to get 2nd place! You can vote every 1/2 hour, so while you’re watching the games this weekend, just remember every quarter or so – go vote for your favorite curvy blonde! Thanks so much!! Well, look at that – I’ve successfully wasted enough time writing this blog that it is just about time for my weekend to start…oh darn! lmao Sooo, guess it is time to get this party started!

Be sure to follow me on Twitter – I try to keep ya in the loop of what trouble I’m getting up to! Including posting pics of me doing all kinds of silly things!

Kisses, Licks, Bangs, and Blows!

Kristine

www.KristineCumz.com

[Via http://kristinecumz.wordpress.com]